The shock was as great as if the ground was sinking under her feet. She had trusted her partner unconditionally and now he had cheated. The happy family they had now shakes to its foundations. She wonders how they ever get through this together.

 

The bomb has burst

He was her rock in the surf. And now it turns out that he has hidden much of his life from her. That makes her sad. She has just found out that he has been having an affair with a colleague from work for four years. She is looking for information to understand what happened. She is also curious about how he feels about the other person.

 

Corona lockdown

The whole affair ends at the beginning of the Corona lockdown. This means that they are “required” to sit at home and have a good time together with their children. They enjoy being together at home. No meetings or dinners in the evening. They take long walks and have many conversations with each other. There is no contact with the other for a while and that ensures focus and attention for each other.

 

A cocktail of emotions

At first she is in shock. She is alternately sad, angry and jealous. Occasionally it looks like a volcano that erupts violently and sometimes even if she does not expect it herself. It is difficult to deal with that. And he thinks so too. He feels guilty and lets the emotion over him, not knowing how to respond to it. He gets the feeling that everything he says makes it worse and that makes him powerless.

 

Two parallel worlds

He lived in two parallel worlds that turned out to co-exist well. On the one hand in the role of father, husband and husband. On the other hand, as the lover who secretly had a second relationship. His marriage and family were most important to him. Should the secret relationship get in the way of a problem, he would stop it.

Looking back at the relationship before the cheating

They discover that they have already lost each other in the period before the affair. In the relationship they did the ordinary things, but no longer really started talking to each other. They lack depth in their relationship. Knowing what is going on in the other person by giving time and attention to each other. They had become roommates and their relationship was predictable.

 

Learning to deal with the loss of confidence

It is a process that goes with ups and downs. Then they grow together again and then hopelessly stuck in all kinds of emotions. And sometimes also experiencing the loneliness, because they cannot find each other. She discovers how to listen to him on the subject of infidelity without judgment. And he learns to take her feelings seriously so that she feels heard and understood. With this they slowly build up trust again.

 

Rediscovering love for each other

He is not such a talker and certainly not about his feelings. He discovers how instead of rationalizing he connects to his own feeling and to his surprise he occasionally has tears in his eyes. They both want to continue together and find that they get closer together by daring to express their feelings and thoughts more and more. They now take the time to go deep into each other and feel a deep love for each other.